Welcome to fucking February.
February just sucks. I live in Kansas City where winters are COLD. The last leg of winter is always the worst. Though February is short, it feels SO LONG. In the shadow of our lofty New Years resolutions, many of us feel overwhelmed by trying to solve all of our problems at once. Many of us had the best intentions, yet we have already begun to fall short of our own expectations. We were effervescent and brimming with inspiration on January 1st, what the hell happened to that? We made lists, we made vision boards, we made promises. “This time it’ll be different. This time, I’ll be different. I’m becoming the best version of myself!” (barf) we told ourselves. By now, we have begun to settle back into the comfy leather chair of our old habitual thought patterns. Not to mention, there’s that holiday coming up centered around romantic love that leaves many of us without a partner feeling like shit. Shouldn’t there be a national holiday for single peeps? National day of autonomy + self love. Everyone buy yourself chocolate and get a massage. Toast to yourself and masturbate all day.
February is a time of shadows. In a world where we can pick and choose what we show to the world, we shape how we are perceived. We are literally branding ourselves with everything we chose to “like”, share and post. It is so fucking easy to be fake. It is so easy to choose the smiley selfie because it will get more likes rather than the weird artsy photo that you love but no one else gets. It is so easy to show the bright and shiny side of your life and let the shadow remain hidden. Because no one could ever relate, right?
I am currently working on a series I’m calling “Shadows”. This series is a compilation of old, discarded, half finished pieces that I dismissed at some point as “part of the process”. Somewhere along the way, I got frustrated and threw a tantrum because what was coming out of me was not what I wanted to show. I deemed these particular pieces unworthy to show and cast them aside to forget about. I’ve decided to pull those half finished creations out of the shadows and explore why I was adverse to this side of me. Each piece of art I create is an expression of me. Why have I chosen to hide some of those parts of myself? Is there some cohesive thread that ties all this work together? We’ll find out. And then I’ll show you.
For the month of February, I challenge you to embrace your Shadow. Ask yourself: what image am I putting out into the world? Is it real and authentic? If no- why? What fear is standing in the way of me truly connecting with others? What am I hiding behind and what is there to hide?
Yoga isn’t all about the bright and shiny, y’all. It’s about the darkness, too. Those of you who read frequently know my love of clichés. So I’ll leave you with this: without the darkness, there is no light.
And also, this: “Good luck exploring the infinite abyss.” Yes, that is a quote from Garden State, which is a silly early aughts indie film that I love. BE MORE EMO, ME!
Love to you all,